Updated: Dec 4, 2020
I do not have this one figured out. I know that consistency and follow-through are the keys to success. But --
I've used calendars, journals, "streaks," alarms, egg-timers, buddy-systems, classes, contests, deadlines, guilt, self-admonition, prayer -- name it! I've tried it.
I’ve tried to chalk up my failure with a form of forgiveness. I'll say, it's "just the way I am.” Keep going, even it's messy.
The progress I seek is in the following categories: 1) Career: Writer, Actress, etc. 2) follower of Jesus Christ, i.e. actually trying to do what He said to do. 3) Physical health, stamina, etc. 4) Financial “security” and independence. 5) Mental stability and peace.
I’ve tried to reason it around the complications of being married. It's marriage, after all. It's not always easy and it's not always bliss. I mean - if I was married to myself -- life would be a constant challenge -- am I right? Marriage is one of the few stable features of my life, however. Let that sink in. [Husband, if you're reading this. I'm trying to give you a compliment -- and no, I don't want to talk about it]. Anyway, I try to cut myself some slack because we have five kids, dogs, cats, chickens, a less than something to get excited about income, (yet, don't get me wrong) grateful to have income at all — reasoning. But you know, even when willing to cut me some slack, let's be honest — gaining traction would be a relief, and reaching a friggin' summit would be sweeter than cotton candy with sugar on top.
Traction as in progress with my career goals, my life goals, my living my life to the full goals as though I were climbing up a very steep, slippery slope covered with packed snow and I wear heavy boots strapped with heavy-duty metal spikes just for this purpose. My mind (I imagine) is engaged and the goal is clear: Conquer that Gawd-damned mountain called LIFE even if it kills me.
But I’ll be damned, I'll be checking off boxes in the calendar with red ink when some little **Eep-Eep comes along and distracts me,
or some strange glistening orb from the spirit realm visits and floats and beckons me to come hither:
or some fun party gal or guy offers some enlightenment and beckons me to live my life NOW and not wait for the sweet by-and-by:
DISCLAIMER: These photos are examples of WISHFUL THINKING.
And I might make a tiny bit of progress. I'll place in a contest. I'll get a compliment from someone I admire and respect. I'll get a production company that requests to read my script.
I suppose then I meet opposition and discouragement, rejection in its many forms. Bills I can't yet pay, rent increases, Covid-19, layoffs, a hard conversation with my parents, spouse, or child and pretty soon I am sliding on my ass back down the damned mountain only to wake up with a self-loathing hangover and the sad realization I have to try yet again.
And yet again.
And one more time before I die.
Whoops — not dead yet!
And then again, for feck’s sake.
The list has not changed. The list is not impossible. The list has been done before by many others and with great style.
The list, my list (see above, first paragraph) has been, actually, pared down to fit within the assumed remaining years of life I have in me.
Once again, here I am I telling myself, “Get up.”
I hear Jesus say, "pick up your mat, and walk." No angels are coming by to stir that water baby. Just get up.
* Perhaps it is the “etc’s” and words within quotes that get me in trouble.